BY CAROL ABAYA
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
THE SANDWICH GENERATION
Strong-minded Alpha people -- those who have to control everything ? have a harder time aging than those with more flexible personalities.
Alpha elderly, who have controlled their lifestyle, have difficulty even asking for help. An 89-year-old former university professor recently told me that when he realized he needed help he was shocked. He said not being able to control his life and having to ask for help had a dramatic emotional affect -- one he is still trying to deal with.
The psychological effect, he said is that, ?I couldn?t believe that I could no longer control everything in my life. Losing control has been frustrating.?
In the past, he said, he was easily able to remedy any problem that occurred. ?Now I have to think before I act. I have to react properly physically or I may injure myself,?he told me. ?For example, I took something out of the cabinet and forgot to close the door. I hit my head, which made me dizzy. Luckily I did not pass out. Little happenings seem to become major problems.?
This professor (Professor Emeritus from a top university) traveled extensively and taught in several underdeveloped countries. He had numerous foreign students who became high officials in their home country. All his achievements still hasn?t made it easier for him to accept old age. ?It has been very hard to accept my limitations - especially physical ones,? he said.
He said he now has to listen to what his body tells him. ?Am I going to do something now that will cause a physical handicap?? he now asks himself.
He said he is upset that he can no longer control the variables in his life. In the end, he said, ?You have to let your body tell you what you can do and what you can no longer do.?
The key to living at this age, he said, is to try to establish a pattern in one?s daily life. ?Create a routine; become a creature of habit.? The problem here is that because of declining health (some major problems) doctors appointments keep interfering in a daily routine.
Aging experts point out that emotional issues in aging can override everything in the past. And that sandwich generationers need to fully understand what their parent(s) are going through. Sandwich generationers need to accept how a parent feels about getting old and then deal with the situation appropriately.
This professor was talking about both physical and emotional needs. This subject recently came up when I attended a Rock Shabbat service.
Interestingly, the Rabbi?s sermon dealt with the inability of many elders to ask for help when they could use help or even think about their emotional needs.
The Rabbi related the story of a member?s hospitalization. The Rabbi heard about this days later from a member who heard about it from another member. He said he would have immediately gone to the hospital to visit this member.
While the Rabbi briefly dealt with physical help and chores that might have to be done, he spent most of the sermon dealing with the spiritual aspects of life and the fact that patients and their family seldom think about spiritual health. That old mind-body connection. He emphasized the importance of emotional well-being in the healing process. The mind CAN tell the body to heal itself.
While the Rabbi did not mention the many medical studies on this subject, there is scientific evidence that shows how a positive attitude and spirituality can have a positive impact on healing. These studies also show how a negative attitude can result in minor medical problems becoming major ones and in severe depression.
The Sandwich Generation is reader interactive and comments and questions are welcome. Carol Abaya can be reached via her website www.sandwichgeneration.com or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . She does not respond to comments posted on this site.
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